How to O.T a successful goth online AKA manslaughter.

Over the past 2.7 years I’d estimate non-accurately that phones, and iPhones and instagram usually, has become an easy podium to invigorate your bank account and commercialise your hardware. Some hints on becoming a successful goth blogger are:

·      Make sure you unfollow at least 3 non-goths per hour

·      If nobody has bid on your tormented platform rompers in 2 hours it most likely means that u aren’t the hottest in-the-minute goth anymore and your hardware is too softcore- you should change your URL. Some examples are: chickentwisties/meowmeow2009/exercisefreak/mega_quinessential/abstract_&_ephemeral. etc.

·      If u ever have any money don’t ever spend it at another popular goths boutique- especially the online ones- it only means you’re endorsing them and they h8 u neway.

·      Go everywhere on earth to holiday except where all the common goths go- go to Ballarat- go to Colac- go to Cairns and specifically Rundell mall in Adelaide- there’s a huge goth movement underneath the 3rd fire exit.

Lucreative & gothic: the only way 2 b

·      Up size your usual maccas drive thru order and blog it- Say fuck it ‘I don’t pay extra for chicken   mayo – they know me’ – you’re an o.g donnie mallrat. 

·      Always and I mean ALWAYS go through deserted suit and tail coat pockets.

·      Check the drive thru at maccas 4 coins- usually rich goths w lexus’s don’t care 4 spare dropped gold.

·      Never blog about anything that could potentially blow up your goth spot- don’t disclose the local army disposal sale online and don’t ever give a starting out goth a shout out.

Next week- gothic poetry from Tolstoy and ancient feminism by matthew ware- + new latin emojies