being a phat vegan (coward) skater in 2017

My friend got misveganed by a vegan dealer cos they were equipped w board in hand. "hey, we get so many vegan skaters in here these days". Coward is annoyed now cos- well- how can smoked cola define who you are today?



here is a pic of the little goth pissed off as hell

Goth clothing sale at the coldest rooftop in town

hello- yeah- so I've just dehydrated the resta me Encarta's circa 1997 for my guinea pig's enclosure for the long winter. I've been out all bloody day selling my gothic wetsuits to quasi goths with plenty of clams. My oldest m8 final_liquidation and I made absolutely nothin- we drank 17 vials of black water from safeway and watched drunken mustard tarts fling through our gear- Mgoth got cast for a rare and spell bounding scene next to Nicole Kidman but rejected because real goths don't sellout. my friend O_christ and her goth dog bella were there- so was her fashionable goth boyfriend Mike- he was selling Kasubi back cat for next to nuthin- coffin robbing special cords and versace lace up come fuck me's. i ended up meeting some rich as goth in the dunny and found myself drinking absinthe w her for 25 minutes in her dungeon and by the time i got back Mima, this other goth i know had sold my finest Dracula silk gown to some baby bat. So now i've paid rent for the next day and i'm currently making 170 clams a minute. no refunds and certainly no talking after the close of transaction.


i g2g feed my venus fly trap todays catch- lets meet on messenger at 4:30 tomorrow to swap radical tactics on spells for eradicating bad non-gothic cops. xxxx

here's a pic of my 31st cousin at the Aria awards in 2000

The hoop-snake, presumably a close relative of the equally terrifying hula-hooper.

On a scale of 1-10 how Goth Are You? vs. Anarchism

Upon dragging my muddy Blundstones to the library this morning to research volcanic ash scones + blackberry bat jam for my best friends freaky 13th, I stumbled across a Gothic Marxist convention. After being stopped and quarantined, and getting the finer details on how waterproof the Goths docs were- the Goth then popped the Question- "SO, HOW GOTH ARE YA"? "R U FAR-LEFT-GOTH"? This got me thinking- what's the furthermost you can go? After 14 bloody-eyeball Martini’s, I consulted my m8 not_mastercief,  and he reckons that the answer is simple: Anarchy and writing anarchy novellas'- this involves writing collective annotations on the ‘Theory of the Young-Goth'. So brb I’m in the library, as usual.

Tomorrow I shall demonstrate how to cook with the most Gothic produce of the season- Guest Starring my off again, on again, off again acquaintance & fruit-rooter Kim – he’s a chain smoking pomegranate dealer.

to commemorate the 2015 AFL footy season - this is a pic of me with my fairtrade kangaroo laced footy. can't wait to catch a game with mgoth & xannie - i don't actually follow one particular team i just go along to check out all the gothic WAGS and see who's workn the merch tent.


i don't look very goth here (fantasy/norm-core stage)

How to O.T a successful goth online AKA manslaughter.

Over the past 2.7 years I’d estimate non-accurately that phones, and iPhones and instagram usually, has become an easy podium to invigorate your bank account and commercialise your hardware. Some hints on becoming a successful goth blogger are:

·      Make sure you unfollow at least 3 non-goths per hour

·      If nobody has bid on your tormented platform rompers in 2 hours it most likely means that u aren’t the hottest in-the-minute goth anymore and your hardware is too softcore- you should change your URL. Some examples are: chickentwisties/meowmeow2009/exercisefreak/mega_quinessential/abstract_&_ephemeral. etc.

·      If u ever have any money don’t ever spend it at another popular goths boutique- especially the online ones- it only means you’re endorsing them and they h8 u neway.

·      Go everywhere on earth to holiday except where all the common goths go- go to Ballarat- go to Colac- go to Cairns and specifically Rundell mall in Adelaide- there’s a huge goth movement underneath the 3rd fire exit.

Lucreative & gothic: the only way 2 b

·      Up size your usual maccas drive thru order and blog it- Say fuck it ‘I don’t pay extra for chicken   mayo – they know me’ – you’re an o.g donnie mallrat. 

·      Always and I mean ALWAYS go through deserted suit and tail coat pockets.

·      Check the drive thru at maccas 4 coins- usually rich goths w lexus’s don’t care 4 spare dropped gold.

·      Never blog about anything that could potentially blow up your goth spot- don’t disclose the local army disposal sale online and don’t ever give a starting out goth a shout out.

Next week- gothic poetry from Tolstoy and ancient feminism by matthew ware- + new latin emojies 

I’m living in my new art grime shed with two other Chihuahua’s- a certain RHOM wouldn't dub it nouveau riche- one collects uncommon non-native fruit trees, backs up the bomb and flogs them off to young inspired goths looking for minimalist/ripe ambiance for their own sheds- whilst the other broadcasts instrumental trap/untried rave from his bedroom floor. I haven’t worked out how to take the bins out yet but stay fine-tuned.  area code: 3056 if interested- check it out/paige elise me.